A bartender broke up with her boyfriend...
But he kept asking her for another shot.
How do you know you've met a good tax accountant?
He has a loophole named after him.
I wished my wife a Happy Birthday this morning and then joked, "The clown and the pony will be here a bit later!"
She responded, "Don't worry, I've been sheltering-in-place with the clown for almost a year now."
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids...
When I got home, they were still there.