Hospital Nurse: "You say financial difficulties brought you here?"
Patient: "Yes. I saw my tailor coming, crossed the road to avoid him, and halfway across I saw another creditor on the other side. I did not know what to do, I hesitate and then dove under a car."
Lawyer: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
Doctor: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
I lost my job as a spy. I was supposed to stand in a certain location and report if anyone picked up a package left on a park bench.
It began to rain badly and not far from my location I saw a park sign with a small roof over it. I took cover from rain for the worst part, but upon return to my post the package was gone.
Apparently my supervisors didn’t like my report when I reminded them the number one rule for spies is to remain under cover at all times.
I was sitting in a Chinese restaurant last night and it suddenly went dark. The waiter came over and said: "You all need to start clapping!"
"What a weirdo," I thought.
Anyway we all started to clap and the lights came on!
I said: "How did that happen?"
He replied: "Old Chinese proverb, many hands make light work."