The teacher asked her students, “Who can tell me what the ruler of Russia was called?”
“Czar,” the class replied in unison.
“Correct. And what was his wife called?”
“Czarina,” the class replied.
“Good! And what were his children called?”
A timid voice piped up, “Czardines?”
I had the rudest, slowest, and nastiest cashier today...
That’s the last time I use the self checkout lane!
Little Johnny was spending a week on his Uncle Pete's farm and was helping with the chores. One day he was helping the farm hands to spread out a stack of hay to dry out.
Finally Little Johnny could contain his curiosity no longer so he asked, as he was wiping his brow, "Uncle Pete, is it a needle in a haystack we're looking for?"
Drill Sergeant (speaking to new recruit having difficulty): "What was your occupation before enlisting in the army?"
Recruit: "Traveling salesman, sir."
Drill Sergeant: "Stick around, you'll get plenty of orders around here!"