Latest Jokes

$10.00 won 5 votes

Pirate: I have moles on me back aaarrrghh.

Doc: It's ok, they're benign.

Pirate: Count again, I think there be ten!

5 votes

CATEGORY Puns
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "Danny Jackson" |
1 votes
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An airplane was experiencing engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers return to their seats and prepare for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

“All set back here, captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around handing out business cards.”

1 votes

CATEGORY Lawyer Jokes
posted by "iqannnylirod" |
3 votes

-- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
-- Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
-- The more garbage you put up with, the more garbage you are going to get.
-- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
-- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
-- Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
-- When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
-- If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
-- There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
-- Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.

3 votes

CATEGORY Work Jokes
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
3 votes
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A man is convinced he has telekinesis. A group of scientists finally agree to test his claim. The man is placed in a room with a cup on an edge of a table. The scientists tell the man to knock the cup off the table using the telekinesis. The man stares with complete and utter focus but with no results.

For weeks the experiment continues, the man sits there staring at the cup with relentless ferocity but nothing happens. Suddenly, without warning, an earthquake strikes, shaking the table and causing the cup to slide off and come crashing down onto the floor. At that, the man turns to the scientists with a smile and says, “See!”

The scientists say, “Yeah, but you didn’t cause the cup to fall, the earthquake did.”

The man says, ”What do you think caused the earthquake?”

3 votes

CATEGORY Science Jokes
posted by "JCVD" |