Muggins: "Yes, I'm living out in the country now. It certainly has it inconveniences."
Buggins: "What do you miss most?"
Muggins: "The last train home at night."
My friends and I were doing Tequila shooters last night and decided to take a cab to the Standup Comedy Club for open mic night.
My friends encouraged me to get up on the stage and give it a try so I did. The people were in hysterics, everyone in the place was cracking up making sure to point me out to their friends.
When I got up this morning things were a bit hazy but I do remember how I brought the house down last night at the comedy club. A sense of pride was coming over me until my friend just called and told me we had reservations for the comedy club tonight.
I told him we went there last night and he laughed. He said they were booked last night so all of us went over to that new Karaoke place across town.
Two hitmen are walking together deep into a scary woodland.
The first hitman says, “I don’t mind admitting I feel a little afraid!”
The second hitman replies,” How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!”
Chris and Paul were having a beer at the neighborhood bar.
"What's the matter?" asked Chris of his buddy. "You look kind of down."
"My wife just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin."
"Why's that?"
"Because it's brief, unexpected and usually a disaster."