Latest Jokes

Wife: peck, peck… peck-peck-peck, that old Royal Typewriter drives me nuts. I wish you’d get rid of it and just type on your desk top and print it out like everyone else.

Husband: I just can’t get rid of it. This old typewriter is like a dear friend that has served me well.

Wife: Like an old friend that served you well? Pray tell dear husband, if you can name one instance of actual service I’ll never complain again.

Husband: I can name two things off the top of my head. It got me an early retirement; the incessant peck peck peck, drove my boss nuts too.

Wife: OK, I’ll give you that one but what’s the other thing?

Husband: You did say you’d quit complaining right?

Fred: Honey, I lost my car keys.

Marge: Again, we need to have a little talk about this Fred. Did you look on the key pegs in the kitchen?

Fred: Oh, there they are; I don't know what I'd do without you Marge. I swear without you I couldn't find the bathroom tissue.

Marge: That's another thing we need to chat about Fred.

Fred: Things would be fine if you didn't hide it in the bathroom.

Marge: I don't hide it, I keep it in the same place in plain sight. It's always right there on the top shelf.

Fred: You're right Marge, we do need to have a little chat about this.

Husband: Amazon has everything under the sun.

Wife: Can you order a couple of grandchildren for me. Our two boys will never get married; they're too busy chasing girls and they're not getting any younger.

Husband: There may be a way?

Wife: (Rolls her eyes)

Two days later a package comes in the mail.

Wife: A package just arrived and it has two DNA test kits in it. What good are DNA kits to a mother who wants to become a grandmother?

Husband: You might be surprised!