Latest Jokes

If you just got an iPhone and are "learning" to text, here is some VERY helpful information. Don't thank me (DTM). This is a public service (TIPS). Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you.

ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

"Thank you, honey," she says. "What would you like me to bring back for you?"

He laughs and says, "An Italian girl!"

When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks, "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good," she replies.

"And what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" she asks.

"The one I asked for... an Italian girl!"

"Oh, that," she says. "Well, I did what I could. Now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl."

SIGN OVER A DOCTOR's OFFICE:

"Dr. Jones, OBGYN, at your cervix!"