I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, “Do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?”
So I said, “Oh, that’s okay, I’m not going that far.
A wife told her husband that he put football before their marriage.
“That’s not true,” he said. “After all, this is our fourth season together.”
In my house, there is this light switch that doesn’t do anything.
Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check.
Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, “Cut it out.”
Heard on a London Bus:
"When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.
If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."