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Favorite this joke I’m not interested in any diet plan...
Unless of course it lets me use rollover calories!
A group of extraterrestrials were sent to earth to monitor and/or stop the use of nuclear weapons. The first creature they made contact with was a chimpanzee. Mistakenly they mistook the chimp as being the dominant species of planet earth.
After scanning the chimp one of them looked at the others and said, “This must be a mistake, perhaps we’re on the wrong planet.”
One of the other Aliens said, “You may be right. It’s obvious these beings are far too intelligent to use nuclear power in a destructive way."
A U.S. Marine General was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the General decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure.”
A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50%-50%.
A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the General turned to the Private First Class who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion.
Without any hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.”
The General was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?
“Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”
"You're beautiful and I love you!" I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff.
My echo replied, "I just want to be friends!"
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