Two guys go into a pub. There is a swing band playing the old song "Yes, we have no bananas".
Guy 1: I love this song!
Guy 2: Yes. I think it's written by Mozart.
Guy 1: Of course it's not. They didn't make swing music in Mozart's time.
Guy 2: Yes they did!
Guy 1: You're stupid! They didn't even have bananas back then.
Guy 2: I know, that's the name of the song!
My friend seemed really down as we were having an after work visit to the local bar. After a few beers he finally shared his story. "I finally snapped. Last night while I was going over the bills, I discovered how much money my wife squanders and I hit the roof. I stormed into the bedroom and gave her a lecture on economy and thrift.”
“Did it help?”
“I’ll say. Tomorrow we’re selling my boat and sailing equipment.”
The church council met to discuss the pastor’s compensation package for the coming year. After the meeting the chair of council told the pastor, “We are very sorry, Pastor, but we are unable to give you a raise for next year.”
“But a raise would be helpful,” said the pastor. “I am but a poor preacher.”
“l know,” the council chair said. “We hear you every Sunday.”
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH: A female moth.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor-saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.