Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed shouts, “You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you!”
Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.”
“Not a problem,” the colleague replies, "just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.”
After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts.
“Oh darling,” she replies, “what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in!”
The official glossary to running late...
"On the way..." - Still in bed.
"In the car..." - In the shower.
"GPS says 35 min..." - Getting ready.
"There's traffic..." - Leaving the house.
"Parking now..." - 15 minutes out.
"Can't find a spot..." - 5 minutes out.
"Walking in..." - Looking for a spot.
An elderly couple went to breakfast at a restaurant where the Senior Special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
"Sounds good," my the woman said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay more for NOT taking the eggs?" she asked incredulously.
"Yep," stated the waitress.
"I'll take the special," she replied.
"How do you want your eggs?"
"Raw and in the shell," she exclaimed.
She took the two eggs home.
A young salesperson peeped into the office of someone who looked like a sales manager, muttered something, then started walking away. After retreating a little he seemed to change his mind and headed back to the door -- where after some hesitation, he started to back away again. The sales manager, feeling sorry for the young man, and surprised that he was so badly trained, called him in.
"You're a salesperson aren't you? What are you selling?"
"Sir ... uh ... yes ... I'm a salesman. I'm sorry to bother you. I was selling insurance, but I'm sure you don't want any. Sorry to have wasted your time."
Feeling sorry for the young bungler, the sales manager bought two policies to give the young salesman some confidence and then started teaching him about selling. He said: "You should have different pre-planned approaches for different kinds of—"
"But I do, sir,” the young salesman interrupted, “the one I just used is my planned approach for sales managers. It always works. Thank you!"