I told the waitress my steak was bad.
She picked it up, slapped it, and threw it back down.
She said, "If it gives you any more trouble, let me know."
Occasionally you hear about a really dry spell in Texas.
I always thought the stories exaggerated until I got a birthday card last week.
They attached the stamp with a staple.
Two Squirrel monkeys opened a boxing gym but after a month they had no customers. One day a Silver Back Gorilla came through the front door.
Completely frightened out of their wits the first squirrel monkey blurted out, "You're in the wrong gym big fella; the sumo wrestling gym is down the street on your left."
The Silver Back thanked them, turned and started to heading that way. The second Squirrel Monkey said to the first one, "There isn't a sumo wrestling gym down the street. All he'll find is old Joe's vegetable stand."
"Poor old Joe replies," the first one.
A few minutes later the Gorilla returns. "I'd like to thank you two. Old Joe told me the sumo gym will open next Monday. I was especially happy when he said you guys are the managers."