Latest Jokes

$7.00 won 4 votes

There was once a bass guitar player that was getting a divorce from his wife. The court ordered that his wife was guaranteed to HALF of what he owned.

So she got his E string and his D string.

4 votes

CATEGORY Musician Jokes
Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "Billy Ray Baldwin" |
$9.00 won 5 votes

If Lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,...

Doesn’t it then follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

5 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
2 votes

- The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

- You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
- The cardiologist's diet... if it tastes good, spit it out.

- You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
- When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

2 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
posted by "Merkv814" |
1 votes

NEW - Different color from previous design.
ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.
UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.
ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.
FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.
FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed. We hope.
DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.
BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.
MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE - Heavy as anything!
HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.

1 votes

CATEGORY Business Jokes
posted by "Merkv814" |