Two Squirrel monkeys opened a boxing gym but after a month they had no customers. One day a Silver Back Gorilla came through the front door.
Completely frightened out of their wits the first squirrel monkey blurted out, "You're in the wrong gym big fella; the sumo wrestling gym is down the street on your left."
The Silver Back thanked them, turned and started to heading that way. The second Squirrel Monkey said to the first one, "There isn't a sumo wrestling gym down the street. All he'll find is old Joe's vegetable stand."
"Poor old Joe replies," the first one.
A few minutes later the Gorilla returns. "I'd like to thank you two. Old Joe told me the sumo gym will open next Monday. I was especially happy when he said you guys are the managers."
My neighbor was afraid to grow a fruit tree.
I told him to grow a pear.
Opera: where somebody gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, sings.
Cockroaches are found to be capable in surviving a nuclear holocaust, yet one swat with a newspaper and it would die.
Shows how toxic the media is.