If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?
U-R-A-BUS!
Her: Could you loan me ten dollars please?
Him: What did you say?
Her (a bit louder): Could you loan me twenty dollars please?
Him: I thought you asked for ten!
I haven't sold any copies of my autobiography...
That's the story of my life.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.