Teacher: Why are you late?
Little Johnny: There was an old man that lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: Were you helping him search for it? How nice of you.
Little Johnny: Actually I was sitting on it, waiting for him to give up searching and leave.
For the second week in a row, my son and I were the only ones who showed up for his soccer team’s practice.
Frustrated I told him, “Please tell your coach that we keep coming for practice, but no one is ever here.”
My son rolled his eyes and said, ”He’ll just tell me the same thing he did before.”
“That practice is now on Wednesdays, not Tuesdays.”
One afternoon there was a group of tourists on tour going through an ancient castle in Europe. They were accompanied by a tour guide.
The guide said that the majestic castle was over 700 years old. He added that nothing had been altered or touched in all those years.
One of the tourists blurted out, "Sounds like they have the same cheap landlord I have!"