Two mothers met for coffee. "Well Ruthie, how are the kids?"
"To tell you the truth, my son has married a real tramp!" says Ruth. "She doesn't get out of bed until 11. She's out all day spending his money on Heaven knows what, and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice hot dinner for him? Ha! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."
"Oh! What a shame. And how about your daughter?"
"Ah! Now there's a lucky girl. She has married a saint. He brings her breakfast in bed, he gives her enough money to buy whatever she needs, and in the evening he always takes her out to dinner at a nice restaurant."
Bob meets Bill at the bar after work and is looking down in the dumps.
"What's wrong now Bob," asked Bill.
Bob replies, "They called in a management team and gave everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they were best suited for."
"Yeah, so what's the problem with that," asks Bill.
Bob sighs, "Well, it seems I'm best suited for unemployment."
Little Johnny's school cook prided herself on the healthy meals she provided with lots of vegetables and fruits.
One day when the power failed, the cook couldn't serve a hot meal in the cafeteria, so at the last minute she whipped up great stacks of peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches.
Upon filling up his plate, Little Johnny's comment was, "Finally, a home-cooked meal!"