I’m writing a book in fifth person...
So every sentence starts out with: “I heard from this guy who told somebody…”
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A teacher says, "Spit out your gum!" while a train goes, "Choo, choo, choo!"
I went a wise man the other day for advice and he said, "He who knows and knows he knows, knows not. He who knows not and knows he knows not, knows."
I don't know who's going to do my taxes next year, but I know it won't be him again.
"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!"
"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him."
The mother said, "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me."
"Thanks, Mom," the boy replied. "But my aim is much better than yours."