Two boys walking along the fence passing the graveyard heard voices. The voices said, "One for me, One for you."
The boys who were truly petrified thinking that the voices were ghouls stealing bodies tried to walk slowly passed and not make any noise. All of a sudden one of the voices said, "Now lets get those two nuts by the fence & we will be done!"
The boys screamed and ran away as fast as they could. Just then one of the two squirrels looked at the other and asked, "I wonder what was wrong with them?"
A 55 year old man who was born on May 5, has been married 5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, trusts the number 5.
One day a friend informs the man that a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local track that evening. Excitedly, the man withdraws 5,555.00 cash from his bank account, goes to the races and bets on Lucky 5.
Sure enough, the horse comes in fifth.
Two actuaries are duck hunting. They see a duck in the air and they both shoot.
The first actuary’s shot is 20 feet wide to the left.
The second actuary’s shot is 20 feet wide to the right.
The actuaries give each other high fives, because on average they shot it.
A farmhand went to church one Sunday, but when he entered he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the farmhand if he wanted to go ahead and preach.
”Well,” said the farmhand, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I’d still feed him.”
So the minister began his sermon. An hour passed, then two hours, then two and a half hours. Finally the preacher finished and asked the farmhand whether he had enjoyed the sermon.
“Well,” said the farmhand, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn’t feed him all the hay.”