Latest Jokes

$15.00 won 6 votes

10 reasons you might be an artist:

10) You were more concerned about the color of your car than the fuel consumption.
9) The highlights in your hair are from your palette and not Clairol.
8) You are having lunch with the girls and the fragrance you wear is eau d'linseed oil.
7) The only piece of new furniture you have in your home is a $2000 easel.
6) You butter your toast with your fingers, just to feel its texture.
5) You talk about going to a show where the pictures don't move.
4) You know what shade of green the lichen on the trees is.
3) You can't find a nice outfit for your date because everything has paint smears on.
2) Your date ends up with paint smears on her/him.

And the final reason you might be an artist...

#1) If you are over age 50 and still have no health insurance.

6 votes

Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Benjones" |
$12.00 won 5 votes

The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why.

"I'll tell you why," began Deacon Brown. "Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the pews for visitors to register."

"Didn't you receive them yet?"

"Oh, we received them all right," replied Deacon Brown. "However, you sent us some golf pencils... each stamped with the words, `Play Golf Next Sunday.'"

5 votes

Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$50.00 won 7 votes

I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at it because it was prettier than most. The clerk said, "It's made in Germany."

I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then."

The clerk said, "What's the matter? You don't like German pens?"

I said, "No, that's not it. I just never learned to write German."

7 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$25.00 won 5 votes

A rookie pitcher is struggling on the mound, so the catcher walks up to have a quick talk with him.

"I think I've figured out your problem," the catcher tells the shaky pitcher. "You always lose control at exactly the same point in every game."

The pitcher feels a little relieved, thinking he has the answer to his issue. "When do I usually lose my control?" he asks his teammate.

"It's usually," the catcher admits, "right after the national anthem."

5 votes

CATEGORY Sport Jokes
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "S.Sovetts" |