Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
After writing a simple equation on the board the teacher asked if anyone could solve the problem.
Little Johnny walked up to the board, erased it and said, “Problem Solved.”
What branch of the military accepts newborns?
The infantry.
I asked my wife what’s for dinner...
She calmly replied, “Reservations.”