On his first day back to work after the birth of his son, Randy's supervisor said, "I understand you have a new youngster at your house?"
Randy glanced around apprehensively, "For heaven's sake, you can't hear him all the way out here, can you?"
A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true.
"I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed.
The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days."
Mary Jane: "Your husband's birthday is coming up. What are you getting him?"
Wife: "Oh, 100 of his favorite cigars."
Mary Jane: "What did you pay for them?"
Wife: "Nothing! For the last few months I have taken one or two from his box daily. He has not noticed and will be delighted with my ability in getting the kind he always smoked."