A notice board at a restaurant: "Eat, drink, have fun....your grandson will pay the bill!"
After a tummy filled meal, Albert was approached by the waiter with the bill.
Albert pointed the waiter to the notice board.
Waiter: "This is your grandfather's bill."
Two prison guards are changing shifts in the morning.
“You know that a prisoner ran off in the night?”
The other guard sighs, “Ah finally, no more of that dang hammering!”
A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store with him. In addition to the healthful items on the carefully prepared shopping list, they returned with a box of sugar-laden cookies.
The man noticed the glare of his wife and said, "This box of cookies has one-third fewer calories than usual."
"Why is that?" the mother asked.
"We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he replied.
Dentist: "You need a crown."
Patient: "Finally, someone who understands me."