Him: "Since Mr. Wilson has lost his money, half his friends don't know him anymore."
Her: "And the other half?"
Him: "They don't know yet that he's lost his money."
A friend of mine told her husband they had a Catholic bird in their yard.
"A what? How do you know it's a Catholic bird?"
"Because it's a Cardinal."
The judge wanted to make sure the witness understood the solemnity of the occasion.
"Do you know what the word 'oath' means?" asks the judge.
"Sure do," says the witness. "Oath means if I swear to a lie, I gotta stick with it."
A customer walked up to my bank window and asked me to cash a check.
“Of course,” I said. “But I’ll need to see ID.”
She dug though her purse and handed me a snapshot.
“That’s me in the middle,” she said.