Passenger: What good is your timetable, the trains are never on time!
Conductor: And how would you know they were late if it wasn’t for the timetable?
Wouldn't exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
Teacher: What kind of wife would you like Johnny?
Johnny: I would want a wife like the moon.
Teacher: Wow! What a choice...Do you want her to be beautiful and calm like the moon?
Johnny: No, I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning.
People say I'm condescending...
That means I talk down to people.