A lawyer was talking to his teenage son about his future career. “Why do you want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?” he asked. “What’s wrong with lawyers?”
“Well, Dad,” explained the boy, “I really want to help people. And when was the last time you heard anybody stand up in a crowd and shout frantically, ‘Is there a lawyer in the house?’”
The teacher in Little Johnnys class approached him and directed he go to the principal's office. When he got there, the principle said to him, "Little Johnny, I've had complaints about you from all your teachers. What have you been doing?"
Little Johnny replied, "Nothing, Sir!"
The principal replied, "EXACTLY!"
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
"Are you having a crisis?"
Two sewing machines are sitting at a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "Hey, aren't you a Singer?!"
It turns and says, "Why? Ja-no-me?"
And then the bartender said, "Oh Brother."