Latest Jokes

What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?

One has a bill on their face and the other has their face on a bill.

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance.

"Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I have I to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."

There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.

"That's better," said his father. "Now in the future you will always come downstairs like that."

"OK," said Teddy cheerily. "I slid down the railing!"

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses.

"You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."

"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"

A little boy thanked his grandfather for the set of drums he bought him for his birthday. “They’re the best present I’ve ever had,” he said. “They’ve already earned me $80.”

“Wow!”’ said the grandfather. “You must have learned to play them real good!”

“Not really,” said the boy. “But Mom gives me $5 not to play them during the day, and Dad gives me $5 not to play them in the evening.”