A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.
There was a big sign posted... "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I had a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."
After a round of golf two guys, one a newlywed, were at the 19th hole talking about the recent marriage.
First golfer: "You say you are your wife's third husband?"
Newlywed: "No, I am her fourth husband."
First golfer: "Heavens man, you are not a husband, you are a habit."