A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike.
''Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300.''
''Easy, Dad,'' the boy replied. ''I earned it hiking.''
''Come on,'' the father said, ''tell me the truth?''
''That is the truth,'' the boy replied. ''Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!''
A man is stranded on a desert island. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
“Ten years,” he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!”
Then she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?”
He replies, “Ten years!”
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.
He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”
Then, with a mischievous and flirty smile, she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some real fun?”
The man replies, “Wow! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there!”