Latest Jokes

An opera singer said she could teach me how to hit high C...

I said, “No thanks. I’ve heard that pitch.”

A scientist studying cat behavior was up for review seeking additional funding.

Board member: “If you can tell us how many cats it takes to turn on a light bulb we’ll extend your grant.

Scientist: “We’re getting close to finding out.”

Board member: “What have you found out pertaining to my question?”

Scientist: “So far we know it only takes one cat to turn a light off.”

Board member: “When a cat turns off a light is it intentional or incidental?”

Scientist: “We believe it’s intentional because they’re too agile to tip over your lamp by accident.”

The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:

Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up easy for transporting

Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up alot

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, not a popular dog with CIA agents

Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by... oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

Teacher: “What’s your favorite wonder of the world?”

Little Johnny: “The Pyramid of Pizza.”

Teacher: “You mean the Pyramids of Giza, right?”

Little Johnny: “Nope, I mean the pyramid shaped building downtown that sells pizza.”

Little Johnny: ”That isn’t a wonder of the world Johnny.”

Little Johnny: “Apparently you haven’t tried their pizza yet.”