Latest Jokes

$9.00 won 3 votes

After my 91-year-old mother finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, “There, now you look ten years younger!”

My mother, un­impressed, replied, “Who wants to look 81 years old?”

3 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "aaron" |
1 votes

A man is stranded on a desert island. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

“Ten years,” he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!”

Then she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?”

He replies, “Ten years!”

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”

Then, with a mischievous and flirty smile, she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some real fun?”

The man replies, “Wow! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there!”

1 votes

CATEGORY Sport Jokes
posted by "S.Sovetts" |
1 votes
 

On a busy Friday night at the restaurant where I'd recently started waiting tables, the owner suddenly emerged from the kitchen and handed me money. "We're in trouble!" he said. "We're out of quarters, and customers are waiting. Go next door and get me $40 worth."

I ran to the supermarket next door, but a cashier said she wasn't allowed to give out that many quarters. Determined, I sprinted to a convenience store two blocks away, but it was closed. At a gas station farther down the road, the clerk took pity and gave me the four rolls of quarters. Twenty minutes after I'd left, I handed the coin rolls to my boss.

"Where are the quarters?" he asked.

"Right here," I said breathlessly.

His face sank, "I meant chicken quarters."

1 votes

CATEGORY Food Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
1 votes

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance they looked like hares!

1 votes

posted by "SRD" |