An infectious disease walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve infectious diseases here.”
The infectious disease says, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
Did you hear about the cheap art thieves the police caught the other day?
They didn’t have the Monet to buy Degas to make their Van Gogh.
What's the difference between a dog barking on the front porch and an angry spouse yelling on the back porch?
The dog quits barking once back inside.
A teacher asks a little boy to define the word fascinate.
The little boy says, "I have a blue sweater with nine buttons, but I can only fasten eight."