- The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.
- You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
- The cardiologist's diet... if it tastes good, spit it out.
- You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
- When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.
NEW - Different color from previous design.
ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.
EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.
UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.
FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.
ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.
IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.
FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.
FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.
REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed. We hope.
DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.
BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.
MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.
MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.
SOLID-STATE - Heavy as anything!
HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.
An interoffice softball game was held every year between the company's marketing and sales staff.
The sales staff whipped the marketing department soundly 10 to 1. But the marketing department showed how they earn their keep by posting this memo on the bulletin board after the game:
"The marketing department is pleased to announce that during the 2020 softball season we came in 2nd place, having lost just one game all year! The sales staff, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game."