Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a slick 25-foot putt. As he lined it up, he announced, "I have a dollar bill that says I can make this putt. Does anyone want to bet?"
His three friends eagerly agreed to the wager. My grandfather missed the putt by ten feet, and his friends gathered around to collect their money. Granddad pulled out a dollar bill on which he had written, "I can make this putt."
His pals are still trying to collect on the bet and grandpa is too.
A woman was taking care of a neighbor's little girl one morning. She arrived in time for breakfast and sat down at the table. "Mommy always makes me hot muffins for breakfast," the girl said.
Eager to please, the woman went into the kitchen and prepared a tine of hot, fresh muffins.
"No thank you," the girl said when they were brought to her.
The surprised woman replied, "I thought you said your mother always has muffins for breakfast?"
"She does, but I don't eat them."
During his wedding rehearsal, the groom approached his pastor with an unusual offer. "I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows, and leave out the 'love, honor, obey, and forsake all others' part." He pressed a $100 bill in the pastor's hand and walked away with a satisfied smile.
On the day of the wedding, the groom was feeling pretty pleased when the pastor got to the part where the vows are exchanged. The pastor looked him in the eye and asked, "Will you promise to bow before her, obey whatever command she gives, fulfill her every wish, serve her breakfast each morning, and swear before God that you'll not look at another woman as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked astonished, but he finally said "Yes" in a tiny voice. He then leaned in toward the pastor and whispered, "I thought we had a deal?"
The pastor pressed the $100 bill back into his hand and whispered in return, "She made me a much better offer."