Latest Jokes

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

And, my very favorite....

QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

A friend asked what parenting toddlers is like.

So I hid her keys, headbutted her in the face, and then told her I love her more than the stars.

What’s the difference between a camera and a foot?

A camera has photos while a foot has five toes.