Blanche: Herb, if you don't stop snoring, I'm going to toss you out on your ear!
Herb: Does it upset you that much?
Blanche: Not just me, the entire congregation.
I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him...
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
First Freshman in Math Exam: "How far are you from the correct answer?"
Second Freshman in Math Exam: "About two seats away."
Dorothy, the little daughter of a tire salesman, had seen triplets for the first time.
"Oh mother," she cried out upon returning home, "what do you think I saw today?"
"I can't imagine, dear, what?"
"A lady had twins, and a spare!"