I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with certain basics. “How much do you weigh?” she asked.
“135,” I said. The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.
The nurse asked, “Your height?”
“5 foot 4,” I said.
The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5 foot 2 inches. She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.
“Of course it’s high!” I screamed. “When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!”
You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:
10. You keep knocking on your own front door.
9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.
8. You ask for soft, high fiber candy only.
7. Someone drops a candy bar in your bag and you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say: "Great Boris Karloff Mask," and you're not wearing a mask.
5. The door opens, you yell "Trick or..." but you can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You keep having to go home to use the bathroom.
Why did Little Johnny start each day gluing coins to the back of his shirts and stretching to touch his toes?
Because he was going out for the football team, and he wanted to be the quarter-back!
But why the stretching?
So he could touch-down...