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Favorite this joke Fellow 1: "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that, too."
Fellow 2: "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?"
Fellow 1: "A judge told him."
A cinema actor, suing for a breach of contract, described himself as the greatest actor in the world.
One of his friends took him to task for so loudly singing his own praises.
"I know," replied the actor, "it must have sounded somewhat conceited, but, remember, I was under oath."
Not only did my girlfriend not want to join me trekking the Appellation Trail, she didn’t want to be apart for 41 days this summer.
After some back and forth on the subject she finally gave me the go ahead. Upon my return I found out she had a new boyfriend.
I don’t understand why, after all I distinctly remember her telling me to “Take a Hike!”
A couple were taking a group tour at a crocodile park when they come across a canal riddled with crocodiles. An eccentric millionaire in the group issued a challenge. Anyone who jumps into the canal and swim across the other side will receive $1 million. If he dies either by drowning or eaten by crocodiles, his widow will get $500,000.
All of a sudden a man jumps into the canal and starts swimming. The crocodiles took after him but somehow he managed to get to the other side unscathed. He gets $1 million, as promised, and gets back to his wife. The wife excitedly says, “I know you could do it, Honey”.
The husband says, “Oh yeah? What would you have done had I died?”
With the same enthusiasm the wife replies, “I would have still got $500,000.”
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