Latest Jokes

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who was known for being a poor housekeeper. 
When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Have these dishes ever been washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. 
She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them." 
He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside, whistled and yelled, "Here, Soap! Here, Water!" 

Two elderly ladies meet at the market after not seeing each other for some time. One asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Rodger died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped dead right there in the vegetable patch."
"Oh dear, I'm sorry," replied her friend, "What did you do?" 
"Opened a can of peas instead."

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? 
A: Spoiled milk.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? 
A: Frostbite.