Latest Jokes

Three male dogs: a Pit Bull, a German Shepherd and a Chihuahua, sat at the end of a bar downing a few drinks when a beautiful lady Collie walked in and sat at the opposite end. She noticed that they were drooling over her and offered them a deal. "If any of you can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a sentence that I like, I'll let you buy me a drink."
The male dogs started punching each other, feeling quite sure of themselves. The Pit Bull blurts out, "I like liver and cheese."
"No! How base!" snarls the lady Collie.
Then the Shepherd speaks up, "Liver and cheese make good food."
The Collie turns her head and says, "Ha! No good!"
Finally, the little Chihuahua crawls up on the bar and speaks,
"Liver alone, cheese mine!" He got to buy the lady the drink.

The science graduate asks, "Why does it work?"

The engineering graduate asks, "How does it work?"

The accounting graduate asks, "How much does it cost?"

The liberal arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?" 

A man went up to the barman and ordered a drink. With his drink, the barman gave him a bowl of peanuts, and from the bowl of peanuts the man heard a voice say, "I think you look great." But the man just ignored it.

Then the man went over to the cigarette machine, put his money in and got nothing out. He heard a voice from the machine say, "I have never seen such an ugly face."

At this point, the man was confused, so he told the barman about the voices, and the barman said, "The bowl of peanuts was complimentary, but the cigarette machine is just out of order."

Q: How do you make a bandstand? 
A: Pull their chairs away!