I always preferred the English version of "diarrhea"...

Which is "diarrhoea", because it looks like you really lost control of your vowels.

Lance is an uncommon name nowadays...

But in Medieval Times, people were named Lance-a-lot.

After moving to Tennessee, I was looking for a new veterinarian for my dog.

I found one close by and booked an appointment for him.

Arriving at the office, I saw this sign on the door: "Veterinarian/Taxidermist. Either way, you get your pet back."

I'm sleeping on the couch tonight.

It's my fault. My wife just discovered that she is lactose intolerant and I asked her where she wanted to move to.

She stared at me in confusion.

I explained, "You live in the Milky Way Galaxy."