My brother just broke the record by downing 22 Russian jets in Ukraine...
He'll forever be remembered as the worst mechanic in the Russian Air Force!
The Higgs Boson walks into a church.
The bishop says, "We don't allow Higgs Boson in here."
The Higgs Boson asks, "But without me, how can you have mass?"
My wife is turning 32 soon and I told her not to get her hopes up... “After all, the celebration is only going to last half a minute.”
Confused, she asked, “What are you talking about?”
I said, “It’s your thirty-second birthday.”
A retiring farmer needed to rid his farm of animals in preparation for
selling his land. So he went to every house in his town.
To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses
where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.
He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening.
"Who's the boss around here?" he asked.
"I am." said the man.
"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one
would you like?"
The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."
"No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said.
"Here's your chicken." said the farmer.