Latest Jokes

Q. What would happen if you have a wooden car, with wooden wheels, a wooden chair, and a wooden engine?
A. It wooden start!

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" 
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left." 
God then addresses Bill Clinton: "Bill, what do you believe in?" 
Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." 
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right." 
God then addresses Bill Gates: "Bill Gates, what do you believe in?" 
Bill Gates says, "I believe you're in my chair." 

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" 
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left." 
God then addresses Bill Clinton: "Bill, what do you believe in?" 
Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." 
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right." 
God then addresses Bill Gates: "Bill Gates, what do you believe in?" 
Bill Gates says, "I believe you're in my chair." 

Notice to Employees (Includes Part Time Workers) 

SICKNESS 
We will no longer accept your doctors' statements as proof. 
We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY 
We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.

PREGNANCY 
In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay. 

DEATH 
This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your job prior to . . . or after death. 

This new benefit program started yesterday. 
The Management