Latest Jokes

Daughter: "Did you hear, dad, they have just caught the biggest hotel thief in New York!"

Dad: "What hotel did he run?"

It's Never Too Late For Love...

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim,5'-4" (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six- unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

The British Ambassador walked briskly into the foyer of a magnificent Washington hotel and stopped for a moment to speak with one of the bright-buttoned Bellmen in he lobby. After he walked on, an assistant manager who had witnessed the incident, went over to the bellman and said, "What did the Ambassador want?"

"I don't know," answered the bellman. "He couldn't speak an ounce of English."

The previous pastor had been a paragon of virtue. He lived up to all the people's expectations and was willing to live on a very low salary to boot. He loved to work around the church and kept both the church house and grounds in pristine condition.

But the new pastor wasn't that type. He hired someone to do a lot of these chores, including the mowing of the lawn. Naturally this cost more money. This change of pattern was of concern to some of the elders of the church. One day, one of them approached the new pastor and tried to bring this up tactfully. He said to the new pastor, "You know, our previous pastor mowed the lawn himself. Have you considered this approach?"

The new pastor came back, "Yes, I'm aware of this. I asked him, but he doesn't want to do it anymore."