Latest Jokes

$25.00 won 8 votes

My landlord texted me saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.

I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”

8 votes

CATEGORY Puns
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "Gegg Smith" |
1 votes

What did the jealous storm trooper say to the friend who stole his girlfriend and was now going to marry her?

"May divorce be with you!"

1 votes

posted by "Ferdinand Uzi Wang" |
0 votes

The divorce proceedings had been long, contentious and extremely heated. Finally, the husband's attorney rose for one last try at a no-alimony divorce.

"Your Honor," he said, "my client sincerely believes his wife is just being ridiculous. Why, most women would love to have a husband who still believes in chivalry, and on the day in question, he was only opening the door for her out of chivalry."

"Counselor," replied the judge, "I am granting the divorce and the settlement Mrs. Smith is asking in its entirely. I simply cannot believe chivalry was the motivation for your client opening that car door - while he was driving down the freeway at 65 mph."

0 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "Merkv814" |
2 votes
 

When the ice-maker on our refrigerator broke, my husband dropped by the local hardware to find the part. Because the sun was so bright that day and the interior of the store was dark, his eyes hadn't quite adjusted when he walked in.

He accidentally stepped on the foot of a woman examining some samples. She screamed, causing my husband to jump sideways into a display of fireplace tools that went crashing in every direction. Unnerved, he stumbled over to the service desk, and as he put his hands on the counter, he flipped over a bowl of marbles, scattering them everywhere.

After taking a deep breath to calm himself, he announced to the wide-eyed woman working there, "My refrigerator doesn't work."

She replied, simply, "I don't doubt it."

2 votes

CATEGORY Business Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |