Latest Jokes

One Antartian was driving down an old country road when he spots another Antartian in a wheat field rowing a boat. He pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car.
Staring in disbelief, he stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while.
When he could not stand it any more, he called out to the Antartian in the field, "Why are you rowing a boat in the middle
of the field?"
The Antartian in the field stops rowing and responds, "Because it is an ocean of wheat."
The Antartian standing on the side of the road is furious. He yells at the Antartian in the field, "It is Antartians like you that give the rest of us a bad name." The Antartian in the field just shrugged her shoulders and began rowing again.
The Antartian on the side of the road was beside himself and shook his fist at Antartian in the field yelling, "If I could swim, I would come out there and drag you in!!!"

Trying to be a good father, Jack took his son Tommy to the movies. He drove uptown to the Hoyts Theater, and there they watched an exceptionally long movie.
Afterwards, as they were heading to the car, the father asked his son, "Did you like the movie, Tommy?"
"Yeah, Dad, but I think I know why they call it Hoyts Theater."
Puzzled by this comment, the father asked, "Why?"
And the little boy replied, "Because it Hoyts when you get up!"

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.

An elephant was walking in a park. With each step he took, he squished many little ants. Upset, the ants began to crawl up on the elephant -- first his legs and then up all over his body. When the elephant started feeling all the little ants on him, he shook hard, making all the little ants, except for one, fall to the ground. As the only ant on the elephant hung on close to the elephant's neck, the ones on the ground began to yell, "Strangle him!!! Strangle him!!!"