Latest Jokes

Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said "Louie-ville" and the other "Louise-ville."

They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant. The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, "Please tell me the name of the place where I am right now, really, really, really slowly."

The waitress goes, "Bur-ger-King."

"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too."
"Just leave all the lights on...it makes the house look more cheery."
"Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week."
"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day."
"Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
"The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
"I don't have a tissue with me...just use your sleeve."
"Don't bother wearing a jacket -- the wind-chill is bound to improve."
"Sure you can go joyriding with Evan. He's only had one major accident."
"Don't bother cleaning your room, I bought a second set of dishes."

"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too."
"Just leave all the lights on...it makes the house look more cheery."
"Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week."
"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day."
"Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
"The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
"I don't have a tissue with me...just use your sleeve."
"Don't bother wearing a jacket -- the wind-chill is bound to improve."
"Sure you can go joyriding with Evan. He's only had one major accident."
"Don't bother cleaning your room, I bought a second set of dishes."

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.
He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He goes, "Geez...oooh....I..."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."