Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.
About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad."
She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."
We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance.
At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?"
There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He's the one you can move diagonally."