Diner: "These oysters are very small."
Waiter: "I suppose, sir."
Diner: "And they don't look very fresh."
Waiter: "Then I suppose it's a good thing they're so small, isn't it, sir?"
After 35, women don’t have one night stands.
We have auditions.
I tried to get into a trendy New York nightclub last night.
The doorman said to me, "Sorry sir, you've had too many."
Confused, I replied, "What, drinks?"
"No, sir, birthdays!"
Our 26-year-old son moved back home with the idea to stock away money to buy a condo. We never bothered asking how long he'd planned to stay, but I got a pretty good idea when I walked into his room recently.
In the corner was a milk jug with a few coins in it and a label that read: "Condo Down Payment"