How do you please a woman in bed?
Let her sleep.
Joe: "Say Moe, do you know how I could hit this nail without hitting my fingers?"
Moe: "Hmm, maybe you could hold the hammer in both hands."
My son and I were walking our small dog when he took off after a duck and jumped into the river. A nearby German tourist jumped into the river to save our dog.
When he'd climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog. Dry him off, keep him varm and he vill be fine.”
We thanked him profusely, and my son asked him, "Are you a vet?"
"VET?" he exclaimed. "I am soaking!"
“My extra winter weight is finally gone.
"Now, I have spring rolls.”