Latest Jokes

A star-struck young lady was invited to a Hollywood Christmas party. She spied a star she was sure she knew and went up to him.

“I’m a huge fan!” she said. “Could I touch your neck?”

The actor stepped back and said, “What are you talking about?"

She blurted, “Aren’t you Zach Woods?”

“No, I’m James Woods!” he answered with some annoyance.

“I’m so sorry,” she confessed. “I guess I was in the wrong neck of the woods.”

My friend called me and said, "Meet me at the Vinyl Shop in 45."

I made it there in 33, which was Record Time!

Upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, you are allowed one wish for anyone you left behind, back on earth.

St. Peter explained this to a woman who had just recently arrived, and asked what her one wish would be.

"Well, I just wish my son would get married and be happy."

"Look lady, it's just one wish; make up your mind!"

My doctor advised me to limit red meat in my diet.

So I stopped putting ketchup on my meatloaf.