Latest Jokes

This guy loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. If you missed a ferry late at night, you had to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.

So, when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.

He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?"

"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart in The Villages, FL. just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies, especially around a Retirement Community.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though you coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"

"They said, 'Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?'"

Following a heavy-metal rock concert, one punk rocker stopped at the front desk of the hotel and asked if she had any messages.
The desk clerk handed her an unsigned note, and she asked for a description of the person who had left it.

"That's easy," replied the clerk. "He wore tight orange-leather pants, high-heeled black boots and a T-shirt with strategically cut holes. I remember a row of colored safety pins through the outside edge of one ear, and he wore purple eyeshadow. And his hair was orange and spiked."

"Oh, man," she said, obviously disappointed, "that could be anybody."

A North Korean soldier was asked to measure the height of a comrade's rifle.

"I can't," he replied. "My ruler is only 12 inches."

The friend looked at him, rather confused, and said, "I actually think Kim Jong-un is taller than that."