Two children went into their parent's bathroom and noticed the scale in the corner.
"Whatever you do," cautioned one child to the younger one, "don't step on it!"
"Why not?" asked the sibling.
"Because every time mom does, she lets out an awful scream!"
Question: How can I avoid that terrible curse of unsightly wrinkles?
Answer: Take off your glasses.
Someone broke into my garage last night and took a bunch of stuff, including my limbo stick!
Seriously, how low can you go?
Tim: I wish I had the money to buy an elephant.
Tom: What do you want with an elephant?
Tim: Nothing, I just want the money.