A lumberjack once told me he's cut down 27,572 trees.
"How do you know exactly how many" I replied.
“Easy, I keep a log..."
I saw a bloke walking along carrying a door handle. I asked him why he had it.
He said, "Well, it gets me out of the house."
I went to buy a duvet.
I asked the shop assistant what filling should I have.
She said: ‘Get down.’
So I hit the deck.
Did you hear about the dyslexic man who went out to buy maps?
He came back with a tin of Spam.