A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."
Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room
Me: How old are your kids?
Patient: 44 and 39 with my wife who passed away, and 15 and 13 with my second wife.
Me: That’s quite the age difference!
Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t give me any grandkids, so I made my own.
An unscrupulous businessman was feeling very ill and went to the doctor. The doctor examined him and backed away, saying, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal."
"Could you give me a pen and paper?" asked the businessman.
"Do you want to write your will?"
"No, I want to make a list of all the people I want to bite."